Never Mind Saskatoon and Yellowknife

I had only just posted my blog on Calgary, singing the praises of the friendly, modest, apologetic Canadians, when reports started coming in from Vancouver, where unhappy ice hockey fans had taken it upon themselves to prove they were a lot tougher and more violent than I had suggested. While I realise that my blog may have played only a small part in these riots, I am now acutely aware that I need to tread carefully when it comes to matters Canadian. So I would like to start by saying that Canada is a wonderful country, full of very nice people and, yes, I can now confirm that Canada loves ice hockey more than any other country in the world.

That said, I must confess that I have been fighting the temptation to check a map of Canada. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Canadians, but my geographical ignorance about your country is almost boundless. Don’t get me wrong, I can name quite a few of your cities: Vancouver, Montreal, Toronto, Calgary. I even know that Ottawa is the capital of your spectacular nation. But I genuinely have no idea where these cities are located.

If you were to present me with a geography test, a blank map of Canada with dots marking the cities, I would probably fail miserably. I might get Vancouver right, because I think it has an island where people go skiing. But I’m not sure if that island is located in an ocean or in some great lake, which I know you have over there, thanks to the wonderful North American tradition of giving descriptive names to geographical features: the Rocky Mountains, the Grand Canyon, the Great Lakes. (I was tempted to add the Viagra Falls, but I managed to restrain myself.)

The truth is, I can only pinpoint one Canadian city with some confidence: Halifax. Why, you may well ask. Reader’s Digest, I would answer. To which you would probably reply: huh?

A long time ago, when I was growing up in South Africa, we had the same two issues of Reader’s Digest lurking in our loo for several years. In one of these issues, there was an article on the disastrous explosion that took place in Halifax harbour at the beginning of last century, during World War I. I read that article at least once every fortnight and I seem to recall that Halifax is in the province of Nova Scotia on the East Coast, near the border with the United States.

And again I had to fight the desire to check those geographical facts, because I wanted to give an honest rendition of how little I know about Canada. Not because I am proud of my ignorance, mind you, but because I want to share with you the spirit of enlightenment. To do so, I consulted the Great Oracle by typing in the following: “major cities Canada geography test”.

I found this quiz and scored a disappointing 53% in 2:12.6. I’d be interested to see how many readers get scores that are higher and lower than mine. Feel free to polish my battered ego. Lie if you must.

Richard de Nooy